Due to a disgustingly stuffy and humid heat wave, the kind that comes only once a year in Vermont, this last week of rehearsals for 'The Tempest' has been a rough one. No one feels like moving, to say nothing of throwing the whole self into a scene, though we try our best. But sadly, the weather has been a drain on everyone. A few days ago I got really discouraged, and even though I know a lot of this is just because of the weather (what a silly thing to cause so much trouble...) I feel the little, familiar voices in my head going "What the heck are you doing?", "Next time around I'm taking a break", or even (gasp!) "I give up on this Shakespeare stuff".
First - Shakespeare is my great stabilizer. I remember how this summer was before rehearsals began. While it was wonderful to be home from school and to have basically no set schedule, by the end of June I had been starting to feel almost paralyzed with inaction. In other words, I was too relaxed. Shakespeare gives me something to feel dedicated to. I guess some people get this sort of fulfillment from their jobs, some from hobbies, and so on. People need things to pour themselves into; for me, it's Shakespeare. And besides that, rehearsals are like my emotional anchors - I realized sometime last semester when we were working on Lear that no matter how I felt when I left to go to practice, I always came back in a better mood. This summer has been the same way, with the exception of this past week (which is part of why I was getting down about it).
And second - I know from experience that every time I'm involved in a show, I hit this point about halfway through rehearsals when I think those very same things. And when we get to the end, and we do the show, I always take it back, and the next time around, I'm back at auditions, throwing myself into it again.
I guess these are signs of addiction. But if I really am addicted, please - don't send me to rehab.
Jut to let you know - the heat waves has left, and rehearsal last night was much better. Everyone had more energy and a lot of the enthusiasm from the first couple of weeks had returned. We survived!
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